


The Buckleys

by rant_girl



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Bad Parenting, Brother-Sister Relationships, Buck deserves all the love in the world, Buck's Past, Christopher Diaz Has Two Dads, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Insecurity, Love Confessions, M/M, Mr & Mrs Buckley are hashtag the worst, POV Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Past Rape (mentioned), Verbal Abuse, firefam - Freeform, parental neglect
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-17
Updated: 2020-11-17
Packaged: 2021-03-10 07:29:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27609734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rant_girl/pseuds/rant_girl
Summary: It took everything he had in him not to letI love youslip.Eddie's known he's in love with Buck for a while now. This is not how he ever pictured this going. But Buck needs to know that Eddie will always be there.#mrandmrsbuckleyaretheworst
Relationships: Athena Grant/Bobby Nash, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Christopher Diaz & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley & Maddie Buckley, Evan "Buck" Buckley & May Grant, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz, Henrietta "Hen" Wilson/Karen Wilson, Maddie Buckley/Howie "Chimney" Han
Comments: 48
Kudos: 556





	The Buckleys

**Author's Note:**

> Ahhhhhhhh!!! Okay so let me preface this by saying that this is the kind of story I would usually just leave in my head for my own amusement and wouldn't dare to actually write, but I did this time for some reason. I just felt compelled to write it, this is my version of Buck's past, and I can't wait to actually see "Buck Begins" next season, WOOT! 
> 
> Also apologies if the Spanish isn't the best, I used google because I don't know any, but Eddie needed it.
> 
> I hope you guys like it.
> 
> TW: mentions of homophobia and gay conversion camps

It was one of those days when their whole core team had the whole day off together. They were all trying to make more of an effort to have them more frequently.

So, they were having a family day. 

And strangely, or it had seemed that way to Eddie at first, it was at May’s behest. He hadn’t known the two were that close. The youngest Grant woman had asked her mother to drive her down to the firehouse at a time when she knew Buck was off shift to tell them that they all had to be a better family to Buck.

_“I know he hides it well, but he’s really sad, you guys.”_

_“How would you know−” Chimney had started, but she cut him off._

_“He’s my big brother.”_

She’d said it so matter of fact, it had warmed Eddie’s heart, being reminded that his wasn’t the only firefam kid who loved Buck. Apparently, Buck and May had a standing monthly coffee and cake catch-up, which Athena had known about from the start.

_“Well of course I knew. It’s no secret. That you didn’t know about it, I think, is my daughter’s point.”_

Eddie wanted to ask him about it. Not his relationship with May. −That was self-explanatory. Buck would take the role of being a confidant very seriously and he wouldn’t do or say anything to betray that. − But about whatever it was that was making him sad. But Eddie didn’t know how to do that without bringing up that May had been the one to point it out. And not that he thought Buck would hold it against her, because he wouldn’t. But he didn’t want to do anything that could jeopardize the trust between the two. 

So, Eddie had opted for biting his tongue. 

That had been a week ago.

They were currently waiting on the food. Bobby and Athena were hosting. The adults were sitting around in the living area talking and most of them were drinking, except for Cap and Maddie. Eddie had been standing near the patio door.

Buck was outside in the back yard with the kids, deeply involved in a game, led by Buck and Christopher, though Denny and Harry seemed to be keeping up just fine. They’d even roped May into playing their Queen. They were on a royal quest of some sort. But set in Space. Space was Chris’s current obsession. And anything Christopher was obsessed with, Buck made sure to get to know everything there was to know about it. And Buck had already been a bit of a Space nerd himself beforehand. 

Buck was the narrator, the villain, the side characters, and also took on the role of their intergalactic spaceship, piggybacking and lifting and spinning the boys across the yard. 

Eddie was mostly managing to keep up with the conversation he was supposed to be a part of, but his eyes kept on being drawn back to the kids. To _him_.

And he wasn’t the only one.

“He’s always so good with them,” Karen said. 

“That’s because he’s one of them,” Chimney quipped, making most of the others laugh.

But not Eddie.

“Chim!” Maddie chided, giving her boyfriend a playful smack, now _that_ made Eddie laugh, “You need to be nicer to him.”

And the conversation moved on, though with Maddie’s pregnancy, kids remained the topic of choice. Somehow, they got onto first words. Which immediately made Eddie feel guilty because he hadn’t been there for Christopher’s. He dreaded the question being turned on him. But he was saved by Maddie, even if she didn’t know it.

“You know, I don’t know what mine were. But Buck’s was _Mada_.”

“Mada? Was he speaking German?” Chim teased.

She laughed a little, shaking her head, her gaze drifting back over to her brother, who was still playing with the kids, “He was trying to say Maddie. I’m the one he spent most of his time with.”

Her smile turning wistful the longer she stared.

“Not your mom?” Hen prodded.

“He sorta had a nanny for a while, but I’m the one who raised him,” Eddie watched the way she rubbed her still mostly flat abdomen, she wasn’t that far along yet.

“You were only _6_ when he was born,” Chim said with a hint of incredulity. 

But Maddie didn’t respond. She slipped from Chimney’s side and headed straight for her brother. Everyone else inched closer to the door.

Buck’s brow drew together as he noticed her approach, “Mads?”

She flung her arms around him as she stepped into his space, allowing him to pull her flush against him as he automatically hugged her back. And she held on tight.

“I am so sorry, Evan. So _very_ sorry.”

“Sorry for what?” Buck asked, pulling back just enough so that they could look at each other properly, but still keeping her in his arms.

“Maddie,” Buck said softly when she still hadn’t said anything else, tears brimming in her eyes.

“I’m sorry for ever leaving you. I should have taken you with me.”

Buck huffed, “You were going to college. Living your life.”

“I still should never have left you.”

“And what would you have done with a 12 year old, huh? Besides, I don’t think that would have gone over too well with _Doug_.”

“I’m sorry for that too. I should have listened to you. You saw right through him.”

“What can I say? I’m an excellent judge of character.”

“You are. I should have−”

“Maddie. You don’t need to apologise to me. Not for that. Never for _him_. And that other stuff−”

“But I do. And I know it’s not enough−”

“Water under the bridge, Mads. I mean, if you need me to say it? I forgive you. But none of that stuff is your fault. You were young too. And they never should have put that on your shoulders…”

“ _Buck_.” Maddie sobbed and Buck pulled her back into his chest. 

“What exactly are we witnessing here?” Chim asked.

Bobby and Athena shared a meaningful look.

“He was her first baby.” Athena said.

Bobby nodded, “She may not have given birth to him, but she was the one who was there for him.”

“Does anyone else want to punch their parents?” Karen asked to a resounding sea of hands.

“I know I do,” Chim said, taking the words straight from Eddie’s mouth. 

Except for the fact that Eddie wasn’t so sure he could stop at a punch if he ever did meet them. Not that any of them really knew anything about Mr and Mrs Buckley. But what they did know was enough for Eddie to know he wouldn’t like them. And that was putting it mildly.

“So, does that make you Buck’s dad?” Hen asked Chimney, diffusing some of the tension as some huffs of laughter made their way across the room. Eddie, Athena and Karen all snorted.

Chim just shook his head, “I’ll leave that to Cap.”

The Buckley siblings were still holding onto each other. Only breaking apart when Christopher asked if they could go back to playing.

“ _Dios mio_ ,” Eddie muttered to himself. That kid, Eddie scrubbed a hand down his face, shaking his head fondly as Maddie and Buck let out a laugh.

“Yeah. Of course, Buddy,” Buck ruffled up Christopher’s hair, making his son giggle.

“Buuuuck!”

“Now, where were we?” Buck asked, pulling Chris up into his arms, he leaned over to place a kiss against Maddie’s forehead before launching back into the narrative.

Maddie didn’t come back inside. She sat down in one of the chairs out there so she could watch her brother more closely. And Chim joined her moments later when he realised that she wasn’t planning on coming back in any time soon.

And Eddie was half tempted too. But he stayed put. Going outside now would be him admitting something that he wasn’t quite ready to share with everyone else. But he was unable to look away from _his_ boys, nonetheless. Eddie wasn’t sure when exactly he had started thinking of Buck like that. As _his_. Christopher did too, he was the first Diaz to lay claim on Evan Buckley. 

Eddie hadn’t verbalised his yet. 

But Buck belonged to them. 

He was _theirs_. 

One day he wasn’t and then he just was. And Eddie could no longer imagine a life without him in it. 

~~They’d~~. _Eddie_ had lost sight of that for a while. 

The lawsuit had changed things. Even after they’d made peace with one another, something had still been off. The air never quite fully settling between them outside of work. They’d both pulled back. Leaving an awkward space of un-extended invitations and unspoken questions of boundaries that had never been there before. Things that had once been second nature languishing in second guesses and self-doubt.

It wasn’t until after everything with Red and Abby and the train that things had gone back to normal.

Or he _wanted_ to say that things had finally gone back to normal. Mostly they had. And Eddie had been making more of an effort to include Buck more. The only difference now was how painstakingly aware Eddie was of how much he wanted more. 

But it was the one thing that he could never quite get a good enough read off Buck for. With literally everything else it was like he swore he and Buck could read each other’s minds. But when it came to the question of whether Buck would be receptive to Eddie making a move? There was radio silence. Leaving his heart thundering in the crackling static.

When Athena called out that dinner was ready to everybody. That was when Eddie moved. Letting everyone else trickle past him, kids included, as he let gravity do its thing. Buck had pulled Christopher up onto his back, the two giggling. And Buck stopped when they met halfway, a fondly puzzled look on his face as he searched Eddie’s. Eddie’s heart was racing. All he had to do was lean in. Kiss him. But just like at May’s Graduation party, which had also been a near thing, he couldn’t bring himself to do it.

He was a coward.

He didn't even want to think about all the _missed moments_ they'd had when Christopher had been away at camp. 

“Everything alright, Eds?”

Eddie blinked.

“Yeah,” and then he repeated with more certainty, “Yeah,” letting his gaze shift to his son’s who was hanging over Buck’s shoulder, “You ready to eat, _Mijo_?”

“Yeah!”

“Boys! Don’t make me come out there,” Athena’s familiar motherly tone reaching them.

Eddie laughed a little right along with Buck and the three of them headed in together. 

So, another night passed without him declaring his feelings. He was going to tell him. Or show him. Eddie had always been more comfortable with actions than with words. But Buck deserved the words too. Eddie just needed to wait until he found the perfect moment. Buck also deserved something perfect.

Eddie should have known better.

Nothing was guaranteed. 

Least of all perfection.

They’d been on a 24 hour shift. It had been nearing dinner time. He and Buck had just finished washing the ladder truck. Laughing about something or other. 

When they were interrupted.

“Evan?”

“How positively… _blue collar_.” 

Words that were so cloyingly smothered in disdain it raised Eddie’s hackles, and as he watched the life drain out of Buck’s face, who was resolutely looking at the floor and not Eddie, his heart sank. Eddie realised very quickly that there were only two people who could make Buck feel like that. The two people Buck never talked about. They were Buck’s _parents_ for lack of a better word.

“You never did live up to your potential. Not that there was much of that.”

“Don’t be rude, Evan, you should look at your mother when she talks to you.”

Buck stared right past Eddie as he lifted his chin, steel setting his jaw, and straightening up to his full height before he turned to face them. Eddie took a step towards him, wanting him to know that he was still there. Buck’s fists were clenched at his sides, “Is that how this works? I didn’t think you cared what way I was facing as long as you didn’t have to deal with it? So, let me save you the trouble. Leave. Turn around. And get the _fuck_ outta here.”

“ _Language_ ” Buck’s mother gasped. It definitely had an air of being somewhat staged, but Eddie couldn’t say he wasn’t a little shocked himself. He had _never_ heard Buck talk that way to anybody. 

“Now, now, Evan, is that any kind of tone to take with your parents?” His _father_ said.

“Yeah, well, you stopped being my parents when they cut the umbilical cord. So, I think I’ll be taking whatever fucking tone I damn well want.”

It was slight, but Eddie saw the tremor in Buck’s body, filled with so much raw unbridled emotion, but his voice was steady. Eddie couldn’t help but feel a little bubble of pride for him at that. It was the only thing that stopped him from stepping in. Eddie knew he couldn’t _actually_ beat up Buck’s parents, but that didn’t mean he didn’t want to. And he knew this was something Buck had to do for himself. No matter how angry he was at these _people_ talking to _his Buck_ this way, at the same time it was hard to do anything but ache for him. For all the love he had been denied, and all the love Buck had subsequently denied himself. 

Buck’s words may have taken some of the wind out of their sails, but Eddie had a feeling they wouldn’t give up so easily. And he was right.

“Aren’t you even going to ask us why we’re here?”

Buck snorted, “I _know_ why you’re here. You’re here, because all your friends are starting to have grandkids. And you can’t _stand_ not being part of the conversation. Can’t _stand_ that you can’t hold centre court when they pull out their phones to share pictures and videos. Can’t _stand_ that you don’t have any to parade around like a trophy. Can’t _stand_ having to tell them _not yet_ , because I know you wouldn’t have the balls to tell ‘em you don’t know. Well you are shit out of luck because that is _never_ going to happen. Because you will _never_ be a part of my life ever again.”

Buck was shaking more visibly now; chest heaving and jaw a quiver.

“Not after what you did.” 

That sounded ominous, and Eddie wasn’t quite so sure he wanted to know what that something was, whatever they had done to him, Eddie couldn’t help but feel that it had to have been more than just neglect. But he closed the space between them, placing his hand on Buck’s hip, giving it a small squeeze.

Disgust contorted their faces as they looked Eddie up and down. Eyes lingering on the hand he had on Buck.

“I see you’ve gone back to your _deviant_ ways,” his mother said almost venomously. 

Eddie didn’t know what the hell that was about, but he saw the tick in Buck’s jaw as he stiffened, “Just shut the fuck up and go already!”

They looked like they might argue, but that was when Bobby stepped in, forming a barrier between Buck and the monsters claiming to be his parents, “You heard him. It’s time for you to leave. You’re not welcome in this house.”

Eddie hadn’t noticed when Athena had arrived but there she was, taking a stand at her husband’s side, “Now you can leave on your own. Or I can call it in. Escort you off the premises. Your choice.”

They looked as if they were weighing their options before finally and silently moving of their own accord with a haughty huff from Mrs. Buckley, but Athena still followed them out. Making sure they got back into their rental no doubt. 

No one else moved and no one said a word. The only sound was Buck’s ragged breathing. Until they heard two car doors open and shut, the engine roaring to life and then the sound of the tyres on the tarmac. There was a pause making the sound of what could only be Athena’s footsteps seem louder as she finally came back towards them.

It was then and only then that Buck let go of the single most gut-wrenching sob Eddie had ever heard. And Buck sobbed hard. His legs giving way, but Eddie caught him, pulled him in against his chest.

“Hey,” Eddie said softly, “Hey, hey, hey, shhh. Buck you’re okay. I’ve got you. I’ve _got_ you.”

Eddie managed to get Buck to turn around so that he could hold him chest to chest as the sobs continued to wrack his best friend’s body. Buck clung on for dear life. Face buried in Eddie’s shoulder.

“They’re gone now. I’ve got you. You’re okay,” Eddie repeated the words on a loop as he rubbed Buck’s back with one hand, lazily pushing the fingers of his other back and forth through Buck’s hair.

“You’re okay.”

It took everything he had in him not to let _I love you_ slip. He couldn’t let the first time he said it happen under these circumstances. Not like this. Not with an audience either. They’d all taken a step back, vacated the immediate area. But they were still around. They could still hear everything.

Eddie’s feelings could take the backburner. The only thing that mattered right now was Buck.

And Eddie sure as hell wasn’t going to let him go. He wasn’t sure how long the two of them stood there like that. And he prayed to God, who he didn’t really have that much faith in, that they didn’t get another call just yet. There was nothing that could make him let go of Buck. However long he needed him. Buck had him.

It was only when the sobs started to ebb, turning into sniffles, that Eddie loosened his grip, feeling when Buck started to pull back, but only enough to let Eddie see his face as he shook his head, “I’m not okay,” he croaked out, not meeting Eddie’s eyes but not leaving the cocoon of his arms either.

“Do you want to tell me about it?”

Because whatever this was, it wasn’t just about today. This was deep-rooted shit that Buck had obviously placed heavily under lock and key and buried down in the deepest recesses of his mind. Eddie could see that plain as day. It didn’t take a genius. And it made Eddie’s anger flare all over again. Anyone who could cause Buck this much pain, didn’t deserve to still be breathing. 

“I mean, you don’t have to. You don’t need to tell me anything if you don’t want. If it’s too much. Or if you do, we can go somewhere more private−”

“No,” Buck shook his head, “If I have to go through this? I’d rather tell everyone at once, I don’t want to keep having to go over and over it.”

“Okay,” Eddie wasn’t sure what to do with that, “We should get you home−”

“No.”

“You need rest, Buck. You don’t need to do this right now.”

He looked like he might collapse from exhaustion at any second. 

But Buck just shook his head. 

Stubborn as always.

“If I don’t do it now−…It has to be now.”

“Okay.”

What else could he say? Buck had made up his mind. So, he let Buck out of his embrace, but he kept close. Ready to catch Buck again if he needed him to, as they made their way up to the loft, where Hen, Chim, Bobby and Athena were all hovering around the island in the kitchen. 

Eddie got Buck to sit down on the couch and he got him a glass of water, taking his place next to Buck as he drank it. And they waited on the one other person Buck needed to be there. They didn’t ask, but Eddie was certain Chim would have contacted her to let her know.

“Buck?”

Maddie’s voice floated up to them as she climbed the stairs. And when she saw her baby brother, Eddie saw her heart break in real time.

“ _Evan_.”

Buck didn’t flinch when she said it, but he got up, Eddie following right up after him, and Buck held up his hands when she made to move closer to him.

“Maddie, _don’t_ ,” he shook his head, “There’s−. There’s something I need to tell you guys. And I need to get through it. And if you hug me…”

“Okay,” she nodded, lips twitching as she tried to give him a reassuring smile. 

Buck nodded in return, closing his eyes and he took a big shaky breath. Leaving Eddie with that overwhelming urge to give him comfort, let him know that Eddie still had his back, so he took a hold of Buck’s hand.

Buck’s eyes said _Eddie_ when he looked at him.

And he knew that Buck read his _I’ve got you_ in his own.

Buck sniffed and Eddie gave his hand a squeeze.

“I know you guys know what it’s like to have sucktacular parents. Must be a prerequisite to be in this House,” he huffed, biting his lip with a subtle shake of his head, “But I’ve never told you about mine. My parents. _Our_ parents,” Buck corrected himself as he looked at his sister, “Well, you just met them. Sort of anyway. I don’t have anything good to say about them. And they never had a good word to say about me. There’s nothing warm about them. There never was. They were barely present. And when they were, they never took an interest in me. Nothing was ever good enough for Teddy and Eleanor Buckley. Best grades in almost every class and they’re tearing me down for not getting 100% across the board. Wasn’t the breakaway star player either, so they never came to any of my games. But that was…whatever. I could handle it because Maddie was always everything they could never be.”

Buck made sure to hold her gaze when he said, “That’s how I know you’ll be the greatest mom.”

“But after you left…”

Maddie choked back a sob of her own and Chim was right there with his arms around her, but neither of them said anything. Buck still had the floor.

“Not bad people, just bad parents, right?”

Buck gave a more bitter huff and it clenched Eddie’s gut.

“I mean,” Buck shrugged, sigh heavy, “nothing really changed. Not for the first few years. Except that I didn’t have you to make me feel better when things got bad. I ignored them as much as possible and they ignored me. But one day after school when I was 16…” Buck swallowed hard, gaze falling to the middle distance, “They weren’t supposed to be back so early…I thought I had time. I thought…but they…They uh…they…” Buck trailed off, Eddie could _feel_ the tension in him, the fear, and he wanted to tell Buck that he could just drop it all and they could get out of there. But Buck wanted to do this, no matter how hard it was, so Eddie wouldn’t stop him. He gave Buck’s hand another squeeze, and Buck continued, fresh tears tracking down his face, “they walked in on me making out with my best friend. A-and they sent me to a _Conversion Camp_ ,” the last words quieter, Buck’s voice cracking around them, the _shame_ of them making Buck crumple in on himself, shoulders slumped down.

Buck had been sent to a Gay Conversion Camp.

That hung very heavily in the air. The rest of them all exchanging looks. Buck and Maddie weren’t the only ones with tears now. Eddie could feel some of his own spilling down his face.

“It took me a hot minute to figure out what it was they wanted me to say. Got there eventually. And I was bisexual, so it wasn’t like I wasn’t already attracted to women, so I didn’t have to pretend about that. But the things they wanted me to say, wanted me to…” Buck shuddered, blinking back more tears, and he shook his head.

Another tremor took hold of Buck, his grip tightening around Eddie’s hand. It took him more than a few attempts to force the next words out, they kept catching at the back of his throat, and he’d shake his head, taking the steadiest breaths he could manage. 

“ _Buck_ ,” Eddie said gently.

“One−. One of the men ra−raped me. Said he’d make sure I never wanted to touch another man again. I’d never even−” Buck let another soul-destroying sob escape him and Eddie pulled him back into his arms from behind. Knowing he had to be strong for Buck was the only thing that stopped him from doing the same. Because the thought of someone violating Buck like that? He dropped his head, his cheek pressing into Buck’s shoulder, sparing a glance for Maddie, who was inconsolable now. The rest of the team, in varying degrees of upset, weren’t too far behind. After Maddie, Bobby and Hen seemed to be taking it the hardest.

It was incomprehensible. Eddie didn’t want to comprehend it. He couldn’t. He didn’t want it to be real. He didn’t want Buck to have to carry it. The fact that he had for so long and all by himself? Eddie held onto him just that little bit tighter.

It took more than a moment for Buck to collect himself again, the hoarseness of his voice the only thing that kept it from being completely flat, “They kept me there for 6 weeks. I don’t know how I convinced them I was ready to leave, but I did. Got myself a girlfriend when I got out. Maybe more than one. They never lasted long. But things were different with mom and dad. They didn’t trust me. Wouldn’t let me hang out with guys. God forbid I had a friend over. And I wasn’t allowed to participate in anything that could even vaguely be perceived as _unmanly_.”

“Even when they went back to their old ways. And they were gone most of the time. I never broke the rules. Because I couldn’t risk them sending me to that place again. I _couldn’t_. But I knew that I just had to finish Spring semester. Make it through one last summer, and then Senior year was the only thing standing between me and never having to see them ever again,” Buck huffed, “So much for that.”

And Maddie couldn’t hold herself back one second longer, she took hold of Buck’s face, “No. Buck, listen to me. I will make sure that they _never_ come back here. Not now. Not ever.”

“You can’t promise that, Mads.”

Her eyes said _watch me_. But she pulled Buck into her arms, Eddie giving her enough space to get her arms between them, but he wasn’t going to let Buck out of his space, he kept one hand on Buck’s hip. 

Of course, when Maddie stepped away, an _I love you_ whispered between them, all the other’s wanted to give him a hug too. Hen first and then Chim. Bobby and Athena hugged him together.

“I’m sorry−”

Buck started but Athena gave him a look, “Don’t you dare now. You have nothing to be sorry for,” she cupped his cheek, “Our brave boy.”

“I don’t feel brave.”

“You stood up to them,” Bobby said as firmly as the hand he placed on Buck’s shoulder, “For yourself. And sharing everything you just told us? Thank you, Buck. We’re proud of you.”

“You don’t hate me?”

“There’s nothing you could say or do that would ever make that happen. We love you, Buck. We _all_ do. We’re your family. And as your family, but also as your Captain, I need you to go home, son. You’re in no condition to go back out there today. You need to rest.” Bobby hesitated before saying the next thing, “This isn’t a punishment−”

“I know,” Buck said a little too quickly, shaking his head he took a deep breath, “I mean, I understand, Cap,” he sagged a little and Eddie wrapped his arm around his middle, “’m so tired.”

Bobby’s smile was tinged with a sadness that was all too familiar to Eddie, “However long you need. It’s your day off tomorrow. But if you feel like you can’t come in the next−. It’s all up to you. You just need to let me know what you decide. Okay?”

Buck nodded, “Thanks, Cap.”

Bobby gave Buck’s shoulder another clap and a final squeeze before he pulled back, “Eddie, you’ll get him there?”

“Yes, sir.”

“I don’t think I have to say−”

And he really didn’t, Eddie shook his head, “I’ll stay with him. Come on, bud,” if Eddie didn’t have so many eyes on him, he might have rolled his own at himself, _bud_? Seriously? Eddie tugged Buck in the direction of the stairs, keeping a hold of him all the way down and directing him into the locker room to pick up Eddie’s keys, and then out to Eddie’s truck where he finally let him go to let him climb into the passenger seat himself.

Eddie practically had to force himself to just walk around to the driver’s side. He pushed his hand back through his hair, puffing his cheeks out on a sigh, scrubbing his hand back down over his face, with a nod. He needed to pull himself together. He could do this. He wasn’t the one who had just bared his heart and soul for all to see.

No. But everyone had seen the overly protective and possessive way he had held onto his best friend. 

When Eddie slid into his seat, door closed behind him, he couldn’t ask Buck if he was okay, no matter how ready the words were to trip off his tongue, because what kind of answer would he be looking for? Buck had already told him he wasn’t. And of course he wasn’t. How could he be?

So, he started up the car, and then placed his hand on Buck’s knee. 

Buck didn’t say anything. Not until they got out on the road and Eddie took the other turn.

“Where are we going?”

“I’m taking you home.”

“But my place is _that_ way.” Buck said with a glance over his shoulder.

Eddie let his eyes flick to Buck for a moment when he turned back towards Eddie, Buck’s eyebrow somehow still managing to be adorably sexy, arched up at him, even with Buck’s eyes all puffy and bloodshot. 

With a shrug, Eddie redirected his attention to the road, “Cap’s orders were pretty clear. He said to take you home. So, I’m taking you home. And _home_ is this way.”

He could feel Buck’s eyes on his face, but Buck didn’t argue with him, tentative fingers tracing the back of Eddie’s hand, so Eddie flipped it over to take a hold of Buck’s.

It felt like Buck wanted to say something, but he didn’t. Just kept watch of their hands.

The rest of the drive was silent, and somehow miraculously not in an uncomfortable way. 

At least not until they arrived at the house where they were both still sitting about five minutes later when Buck still hadn’t moved.

“Buck?”

“Chris shouldn’t see me like this.”

Eddie didn’t know what to say to that, and there was a part of him that might have tended to agree, but the part of him that wanted to teach Christopher about feeling his feelings and that there was nothing wrong with feeling any of them, even the not so fun ones, says _fuck it_. And he went with something truthful, “Chris always wants to see you. And we can’t sit out here all night. C’mon, Buck.”

“Okay.”

And Buck allowed himself to be led to the door. Carla opening it before they got there, “You’re home early,” she said in lieu of a greeting, her surprise rapidly changing to concern when they got closer. Eddie knew he didn’t look as bad as Buck, but it was obvious that he’d been crying too. 

“Maddie? The team?” she questioned.

Eddie shook his head, “They’re all fine.” 

She nodded, “Want me to make you boys some tea?”

Buck shook his head this time, clearing his throat, “No. _Thank you_ , Carla.”

“Yeah. Thanks, Carla,” Eddie’s lips twitching into half a smile, “But you should head out. We’ve got it from here,” Eddie assured her, she didn’t look 100% convinced, or even 50% if he was honest, but Eddie was thankful that she didn’t argue, she was always going above and beyond for them, so if Eddie could give her even a couple of those hours back, he would, “Where’s Chris?”

“Bedroom. He just took his shower. Should be out in a minute. Rough call?”

“Something like that,” Eddie said as he stepped over the threshold, Buck still hung back though, leaving space for Carla to get by when she was ready.

“Daddy!” Eddie closed his eyes, tears welling in them again, he would never get over how much love he felt knowing Christopher was so excited to see him still −He dreaded the day that would no longer be the case−. For a moment it eased something in his chest, “Mijo,” he all but whispered, lifting him up into a hug, which is when Christopher must have seen Buck over Eddie’s shoulder. But Chris didn’t call out the other man’s name like he usually would.

“Daddy? Why does Bucky look so sad?”

Carla clapped Eddie’s shoulder, cupping Christopher’s arm, “I’ll see you later, Little man.”

“Bye, Carla,” Chris waved when Eddie put him back down on the floor.

“Buck,” she said softly, with a gentle squeeze to his arm, “You let them take care of you, now.”

Buck just nodded wordlessly. 

“Daddy?” Chris asked again, but when he didn’t answer quick enough, Christopher moved over to Buck, “Bucky?”

“Hey, Superman,” he near enough croaked, smile faltering on his lips, it broke Eddie’s heart all over again.

Christopher flung his arms around Buck in a hug, and Buck hugged him right back, one hand resting on Christopher’s head, the other holding on to his shoulder. Buck’s eyes were closed as he took some deep breaths that were shaky on the exhale.

“I love you, Kid. You know that, right?”

Christopher nodded, “I love you too, Buck.”

Eddie didn’t want to interrupt their moment, but he could tell just from looking at him that Buck was about two seconds away from just breaking down all over again. He could _feel_ it. And he knew that was the last thing Buck wanted.

“So,” he slung an arm across Buck’s shoulders as he stepped up beside him and Chris took a step back so that he could look at them both, “seeing as it is Friday and all. What do you say we get movie night started? You guys can get us set up on the couch, pick a movie. And I’ll order the pizza. Go put your sweats on first.”

Buck just nodded. 

“Come on, Bucky!” Christopher said with some of his patented enthusiasm, if maybe just a little bit tempered, as he grabbed Buck’s hand and directed him to Eddie’s bedroom where Buck had his own drawer. 

Eddie huffed at himself. 

He was an idiot.

He ordered their usual, picking things up around the living room and kitchen, until he saw his boys make their way to the couch, heading to his bedroom himself so he could get changed too. Buck’s uniform was neatly folded at the end of his bed, Buck must have done it on auto-pilot. Eddie smoothed his thumb over his nametag. _BUCKLEY_. Eddie couldn’t help but wonder if he’d ever thought of changing it. 

Once he was in more comfortable clothes he walked back to the kitchen, grabbed a couple of waters from the fridge for him and Buck, the last thing Buck needed right now was beer, and a juice for Chris. They hadn’t picked a movie yet when Eddie joined them, but Buck was sitting in the middle of the couch, with Christopher snuggled up against his right. 

Eddie set their drinks on the table, taking the space on his left, and left none between them. 

“Chris, you just pick what you wanna watch, Buddy. I don’t mind.” Buck said, not even looking at the screen, his eyes closed as he placed a kiss to the top of Christopher’s head, his nose lingering. Breathing in Christopher’s scent seemed to soothe him, just like it had always done for Eddie, Buck’s breath evening out.

Christopher was still scrolling through the choices. They were kinda hard pressed to find something that wasn’t sad or didn’t involve parental figures of some sort, whether they tragically died, or were diabolically evil, or even when they weren’t like in _Inside Out_ −Bing Bong fading into nothingness got Buck every single time and that was when he wasn’t already emotionally compromised− Eddie didn’t think it would go down well. He’d had to veto practically everything, agitating Chris in the process, up until Buck gave him a look that told him he better _knock it off_. And they’d somehow settled on _The Emperor’s New Groove_.

After pizza, of which Buck had only taken two slices, something that would have normally given Eddie cause for concern but given the circumstances he was calling it a win. Buck was just barely holding it together. He knew Chris was the only reason he hadn’t fallen apart. 

When Eddie had settled back into his spot, he had slumped down a little further, resting his head on Buck’s shoulder, that earned him a different kind of look. This one softer, questioning, and Eddie held it for a moment, only pressing in closer as he closed his eyes, hoping it would be enough. For all their closeness, they had never actually snuggled with each other before. Eddie closed his fingers in Buck’s shirt, humming his approval when Buck finally put his arm around him. 

Eddie’s eyes fluttered open when Buck gave him a shake, “Eddie, c’mon. Chris is asleep. We should put him to bed.”

Their eyes caught and Eddie nodded, pushing himself up enough to allow Buck to move, and Buck was up and around the couch, Christopher tucked safely in his arms before Eddie even had a chance to feel guilty about falling asleep himself. 

Eddie was supposed to be comforting Buck, not the other way around. 

He pinched the bridge of his nose as he shook his head, scrubbing his hand down over his mouth. He got up with a sigh, getting to Chris’ door in time to see Buck placing a kiss to his forehead. 

And even though Christopher was out for the count, Buck still whispered, “Love you, Superman.” 

The simple utterance and the undeniable truth behind it, hitting Eddie square in the face. Buck was Christopher’s dad too. It wasn’t like Buck had never said those words before, or that he hadn’t said them to a fully conscious Christopher, like he had just two hours ago. It had always filled Eddie with such a fondness his heart could have burst with it. But right then, and after everything he had learned about the other man in the last, he wasn’t even sure how many hours, it put a twist in his gut. Because after everything Buck had had to go through, he had still become _Buck_. 

When Eddie walked into the room, Buck got up to give him space to place a kiss of his own to Christopher’s head, “Love you, Mijo,” he whispered.

They left the room together in silence, Eddie closing the door over, and they moved back down the hall to the living room. 

The second their eyes met, the words, “I should go,” flew out of Buck’s mouth.

“Buck. _No_. I’m not letting you leave.”

“Eddie−”

“How many times do I have to tell you that this is your home too?”

Buck shook his head, “I don’t belong here. I don’t belong anywhere,” he still didn’t believe him.

“Yes, you do. You belong right here with us. Me and Christopher. There is no part of our lives that hasn’t been made better for having you in it.”

Buck scoffed at that, so Eddie went on, “You are the kindest, smartest, most generous, most beautiful person, inside and out, that I have ever met, _Cariño_.”

The endearment just slipped out, but Eddie didn’t want to take it back. 

For all Buck actually heard him. 

Buck shook his head, eyes closed, tears rolling down his cheeks as he opened them back up, “Why did they have to come here? 10 years. I thought I was free. Everything was _fine_. I told myself that if I didn’t think about it, it never happened. It _never_ happened. I had to believe that. Had to. Because if I didn’t believe it…There were so many other things to just shove down on top of it. Things my brain wouldn’t shut up about. Stupid things. Things that didn’t matter. But that still kept me up at night. 

“When things got too quiet. I _hate_ when it’s quiet. But it’s never quiet in here,” Buck tapped two fingers to his head, “Or it never used to be.”

“After I−. After−” Buck worried his lip between his teeth, eyes on the floor, “I never even looked at another boy. Another _man_ ,” Buck lifted his head their eyes locking, “Not until you.” 

“I tried to stop it. I was mean to you. But you were too good. Too… _you_. Everything clicked so easily. I told myself that I would just be your friend. But every day, every moment we’ve spent together, I just kept falling more and more in love. And then you let me meet Chris. And I just love him so much too. When I thought I’d lost him? The only thing I wished for was that I’d been swept away instead. Then no one would have had to have been sad about anything.”

“I would have been. Chris too. And Maddie, do you know how pissed she would be to hear you say that?” Eddie was pissed, “And our 118 family? What about Bobby? What about _May_?” Eddie huffed, voice softening as he spoke more earnestly, “But me and Chris,” he shook his head, “Buck, I don’t want to live in a world that doesn’t have you in it. I can’t.”

“You don’t get to say that. Chris needs you.”

“He needs _you_ too. _I_ need you.”

“No, you don’t.”

“Yes, I do. I _need_ you Buck. Because every day I’ve been falling more and more in love with you too.”

“What?” Buck asked in total bewilderment.

“I’m in love with you, _mi amado_.”

“You’re in love, with _me_?”

“Yes,” Eddie said with 100% certainty, zero hesitation. 

“Why?”

“Because you have the biggest heart of anyone I know, and you always put it in everything you do. You never go by halves. The way you put Christopher first, like he’s your own. And he is, you know. I don’t know when it happened but he’s yours, Buck, just as much as he’s mine. 

“Eddie−”

“You always know how to make me laugh or smile. And a lot of the time you do it without you even having to do anything, just being near you is enough. Seeing you laugh or smile? Or how excited you get about sharing whatever new thing you just learned about is. The way you light up?” Eddie took a hold of Buck’s cheek, “ _Eres mi sol_ , Buck. _Eres mi sol_. And nothing makes me sadder than when you say you have to leave. I never want you to leave. However many hours we’ve spent together, it’s never enough. I always want more, _Evan_. I always want you more. But if you don’t want me−”

“I do want you. I want you so much, the thought of losing _you_? Losing Chris? I can’t breathe with it. But I never thought you’d…”

“Want you back?”

Buck nodded.

“Well now you know.”

“Eddie−”

“C’mon,” he pushed up on his tiptoes, pulling Buck down to place a kiss upon his birthmark, “Let’s go to bed.”

“You’re not gonna kiss me?” the _for real_ unsaid didn’t go unheard.

“When I kiss you, I want you to know it’s real. This day’s been…a lot. You need sleep, _Cariño_.”

Eddie didn’t know what he’d expected from Buck, but it wasn’t _that_ smile.

“What?”

Buck shrugged, taking Eddie’s hand as they made their way down the hall, “I knew you had a softer side I just never thought of you as a pet names kinda guy. You’re so _smooshy_.”

Eddie’s nose scrunched in mild disgust, but he was unable to keep the adoration from his voice as they reached his door, and he raised a finger, “Don’t you _dare_ say that word ever again.”

“What word?” Buck smirked, tugging him into the room, Eddie knew that he knew.

“You know what word. It’s not even a word. It’s made-up and it’s gross.”

“Smoosh−” Eddie plastered his hand over Buck’s mouth to stop him.

“I said _don’t_ say it. Promise me.”

Buck held up his hands in surrender, letting his tongue dart out across Eddie’s palm, a hint of a laugh on the back of his breath, as Eddie let his hand drop, “Okay. I promise,” Buck’s fingers pulling at the hem of Eddie’s shirt, “Can I call you sappy?”

“I can live with that. So, do you not like−”

“Oh no. I like. I like, a lot.”

Eddie smiled, relieved, his eyes following Buck as he moved closer to the bed, to the side that was usually empty, unable to look away as Buck pushed his sweatpants down, and he tried not to linger too long on the way the soft black cotton of Buck’s boxer-briefs hugged his ass so perfectly, or the outline of his dick.

He had to re-school his features as Buck got himself situated on the bed, blue eyes expectant. 

“Good,” Eddie’s voice strained a little and he cleared his throat, pushing his own sweats down to the floor, “‘Cause I don’t plan on stopping. _Mi corazón_.”

Eddie took his own place on the bed, warmth spreading in his chest when Buck immediately rolled towards him.

“And I wouldn’t want you to, _Mi dulce osito de peluche_ ,” and Buck was already laughing before Eddie gave him a playful swot.

“Teddy bear?” his eyebrows said _really_ but Eddie couldn’t bring himself to actually object, not when Buck was looking at him like _that_.

“ _My sweet_ ,” Buck said pointedly, “teddy bear. Being held by you? I don’t think I could have made it through today if you hadn’t. You make me feel safe. Grounded.”

God Eddie was so _so_ tempted to just kiss him, he took hold of Buck’s hand again, raising it to his lips to kiss his knuckles instead. Their eyes holding.

Buck slid their joined hands across Eddie’s jaw, “And sometimes you’re grizzly.”

That had them both laughing.

“Grizzly? Seriously?”

“Grizzly. Grouchy. Same diff. It’s like before you have your porridge in the morning.”

“I don’t eat porridge.”

“Porridge. Coffee. Hey, I’ve seen you eat oatmeal before.”

Eddie huffed a laugh, “And what does that make you? Goldilocks?”

“Apparently, according to you, I’m _juuust right_ ,” Buck laughed again, and Eddie started to laugh with him but without warning it dissolved into tears, a choked off sob catching in Buck’s throat, “I’m sorry.”

“Hey, shh,” Eddie pulled Buck in closer, kissing his forehead as Buck rested his head on Eddie’s shoulder, “You’ve got nothing to be sorry for. This isn’t something you’re gonna just get over. But I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere. I’ve got you,” Eddie pressed his lips against Buck’s forehead just a little bit longer, gently brushing his fingers back and forth through Buck’s hair to help soothe him, “Sleep, _Cariño_.”

Buck had to shuffle down a bit to rest his head on Eddie’s chest, and Eddie wrapped his arms around him more comfortably, more securely. 

“I love you, Eds.”

Eddie smiled, “Love you, Buck.”


End file.
